He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
