I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
