I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
