Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
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Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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