You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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