If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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