Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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