I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
