We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
