I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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