Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
