we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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