Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
