She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
