So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
