The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
