Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize