when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
so let's talk penis.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
