What did we do last night that was yellow?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
