Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
