I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
There's always time for handjobs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
