she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
