and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
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The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
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The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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