omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
