My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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