my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
