So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
