walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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