no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
