Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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