you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
