theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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