what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
