How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
