i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
