Dude my mom stole all your condoms
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
