Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.