his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.