Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
