i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....