i may or may not be watching the land before time
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
