so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
