he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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