you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
