I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
