Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
