it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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