chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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