just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
