Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
