I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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