i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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