Bisexual people are plain selfish.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
