U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
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