great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
