The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
