I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Congratulations! We have a period
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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