Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
