In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
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He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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