im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
