For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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