A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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