fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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