Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
