Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
