and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Are my feet made of real feet?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
