Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I cut my penus on the lid.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
How external is "for external use only"?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
