I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
