She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
